Barons Releasing Press Release to Confirm Nothing

  • By Lex Gartman, Day 97, 2023

OKLAHOMA CITY - On the day after JBL WTF Day, Oklahoma City brass rushed to get out their own press release.

"We are announcing no new news. Nothing is happening in Oklahoma City. We still aren't any good. We don't rebound. We play very little defense. And we still lose to teams we think we should beat.

We just wanted to test our Emergency Broadcast Buttons just in case we stop sucking anytime soon."

Since their promising start, the Barons have regressed to the expected means. At 19-28, the team falls further and further out of the playoff race each day. Frustrating to management, coaches, players, and fans alike, OKC can lose to a 12-win Boston team, only to follow that up with an OT win over East power Toronto.

"We aren't interested in the lottery", GM Homer Simpson said following his team's most recent OT loss to Minneapolis. "Even after seeing Slay burn us for 25 points and a ridiculous 21 assists. We are who we are right now, and we are working hard at getting more wins."

On a more positive note, the Barons' 19 wins have already surpassed the entirety of last season's win total of 18. They only need 5 more to tie the franchise high water mark of 24 set way back in 2021.